A Girl, a Cat, and Two Smelly Dogs.

Why did I get married the first time?

Simply put, I married for a job… I wanted to be a Police Officer and the Department frowned on hiring single Officers because they felt that married Officers were generally more “stable” and thus better candidates for Officers.
To say my first marriage was disastrous would be an understatement. In the beginning it wasn’t so bad but as the time and years went by, I began to think I was living within the fires of hell with the devil and my wife taking turns poking me with a red hot fork.

It took some time before I was able to successfully separate myself from that situation and obtain a divorce. After a period of bachelorhood it became apparent that it was time to try again and re-enter the bonds and shackles of a real relationship.
After all, old man time was creeping up on me fast. I had to think about the day when I could no longer do things for myself, remedial tasks we take for granted everyday, like being able to change my depends.

So, I began to ask myself who would be there to assist if and when I was unable to do these things on my own? My dogs are loyal and faithful companions but lack the intelligence and dexterity to help me in that way.
It became apparent that I needed a woman in my life but living in a very small community at the end of the earth does present challenges in meeting people. I could trot on down to the local pub and pick out a nice aged, vintage toothless model.
Or I could turn to cyberspace.

Let the search begin.

If you are familiar with the online dating scene you may have been unfortunate enough to meet a few people through cyberspace, only to find out when you actually met that they had not been entirely upfront with you.

For example, the picture they used in their profile was taken when they were 20 years younger, and 300 pounds lighter.

"Oh, I put on a few pounds since that picture was taken".
No kidding? A few?

Or maybe they were in the "non-separation" type of separation phase from their possibly soon to be ex-spouse.

"Well yeah, ok, he doesn't live with me anymore, but we are still friends" and he comes over to see the kids. They need their daddy.

Right. Maybe it’s what YOU need.

Or, she had 12 more children than she originally had told you.

"Oh, I forgot to mention the children I have from my 4 ex's. But they don't live with me".

Lady, you don't have kids. You have a litter!

So I was beginning to give up and resign myself to a life of living like an 1800’s Mountain Man. I would grow a long beard, live off the land and go to town once a year to do some trading.. Mebbe even trade me some beaver pelts for a woman. Soon enough I found myself slowing down to check out the sheep grazing on the side of the road.
I knew I needed to do something, and fast.

After a series of trial and errors I finally met someone who had been truthful with me, and was extremely cute to boot.

Sher came along in 2005 and after a week or two of online conversations we felt as if the time was right to finally meet. We arranged for a meeting at our finest local one and only pub.
Since I wanted to do things right and really impress her I called ahead and made reservations for the finest dirty table in the establishment.
Sher brought along her bodyguard, Teresa.
I brought my anxiety.

It’s always awkward when you finally meet that person you had been conversing with all this time. You may not have any trouble making conversation over the internet, or telephone, but it is entirely different when you finally meet that person face to face. Uhhh.
We spent an hour or so sitting across the table from each other doing our best to make conversation, as nervous as I was, I managed to hold my own. The seventeen shots of tequila I had before I arrived probably helped somewhat. I didn’t think it was going that well.

Skip forward to the present day.

My darling Sherilyn has learned to adjust to my little quirks and mood swings and I have adjusted to hers. Of course she has many more "quirks" than I do because she is Canadian.
She has also accepted my smelly dogs which she knows are more like children to me than pets. And I have accepted that damn cat of hers.

To say I am nervous about being married again is an understatement of gigantic proportions. The wedding day is around a month away and I plan to start drinking early that morning...Or maybe now.